*giler*

I admit... I am officially unpleasable.. So many things just doesn't turn out right.. now I'm not whining... I just feel... unpleasable.. as they say... Am I not contented or... the.. other *hmm* way round.... *carol pouts*...

I feel like an outcast... in remorse... abnormal... weird.. in other words... fucked up....

yupp.... I think I need some deep lovin... sometimes don't you just hate people around you...

love me people!!!... love me more!!!!.... est, mei, manda, jac, wen, steph, liz!!!

derek, bern, aldrige, caryn, pat, jas, endless flow of cash!!!!!!!

*whimpersss*

[fake grin]

tormented

Sometimes I wonder the decisions I've made are good enough to keep me living through the many shits of life... and sometimes, I wonder whether the decisions that I made are actually the right ones... Why is my life this way?... my intentions are only good and all I try to do is just to accomplish peoples' desire... does that make me weak? I wanna know why are things the way it is now... inferiority, regrets...

Sighhh... regrets.... is that what it is now??... I don't know... I've only been good to you... I live up to your every whims and commands... I have went the way you want me to... I am more of who you want me to become... So what is wrong?... why are you making me feel like every part of me is still so wrong??...
You are never contented with me... more or less, I should say the same for you because of the performance that I see from you... everyday I do my best to try to make it your day... and make my day as good as the flow takes me... I don't care if anyone thinks that I love you too much... because thats what it is...

At least I have tasted the best of you long before you transformed... and should I consider myself lucky?... why do guys have to hurt girls so badly... and all you can do is just sit and watch us drip dry ourselves from crying and you try to keep your distance...

Maybe silence is golden....

procrastinator big time

Stayed over in darling's house last night... and I had slight hangover... made noise in the middle of the night and made baby went downstairs to get me panadol... sorry baby.. and thank you so much.. lovey yoo~... muax!!

Anyway.. did not had much of a rest... cuz darlin had to wake up early for work... and I, came home to do my stuff... shower, eat and sleep again... weee...

Last night was Jac's and Wai Hong's bday... we went Maison.. derek and I left early.. wonder how it went actually... hmmm..... well... derek and I kinda abused our budget last night... it's all my fault... so I'll heal our wallets soon kay dear.... i'm sorry....

And I admit I'm just a procrastinator for life... sighhh.. I wonder how I'm gonna get my work done before the day is out... I still wanna sleep.... and I think I'm gonna do just that right now... procrastinator me.... oy vey!

Well... accomplished at least ONE assignment... and that one is only due on Thursday... The ones due tomorrow... erm... not done yet.. hardly touched it... think I'm just gonna do it after I wake up.....
I didn't realize I missed my bitches so much... glad to see them last night...

I just feel like sleeping... but I really really think I'm a fucking big time procrastinator... cuz I just don't feel like sleeping just yet... what the fuck is wrong with me??... fucking bitch... useless.... bah!

leave me alone...

today...

I have about 2 more weeks of class.... and then holies!!!.... yay~

Have been waiting for this for a fucking long time... since April...

But now I have 3 assignments yet to be done.... Typography, Computer Graphics and my fucking CD cover that I have been working for more than 2 weeks now... It's due on Monday... all due on Monday.. and I still have to go for dinner later... which is most probably gonna take up a few hours of my time... Then I would have to try to complete them after that as fast as possible... wonder if that's ever possible tonight.... that is... if I don't get a satisfying shut eye....

I just found out my friend and his gf broke up... But I'm not sure if it's real or how true it can be... his words are somehow hard to believe though... haha... sorry Malc...

Anyway... Baby in Seremban working as a DJ for some china man's bank function... and he has to speak in cantonese.... Wonder how he's doing... well.. Since it's 6pm now.. he's probably off from work edi.. coming back home to moi.... then we can go for dinner in One U...

BAH!

Illustrator was having a fun time tonight... It shut down on me!!!!... damn you illustrator!!!....

sane....

It's been a long time since I've stayed home from college to sleep... ahhhh... the blissful, restful shut eye... woke up late into the afternoon, (that's what every motherfucking lazy teenagers would do on an off day)... well, I made my day an off day... because I just don't wanna see fucking Travis' face and let him torment my insanity any second longer... let's just hope my sanity is still on the sane side...


Revenge is sweet...... wakakakakkaaks....

A guy called Llama

This morning, I read through all my past archives.. and stumbled across many posts... weird ones, raging ones, insane ones, mushy ones...

Then I remembered I used to blog about anything and everything... but now, slack.. don't really fucking bother, although I still blog...

As I said, stumbled across many different posts... and obviously that made me recall many dramas and excruciating dilemmas... sucks ass...

And then I thought about ex boyfriends... one of my ex boyfriend.. we'll name him Llama... for safe keeping...

Well... Llama and I went waaaaay back to the 02's... 2002 that is... we had our moments... Happy, gay, gleeful, stupid, idiotic, infidelity, random flirts, and many more scenes... I remember there was a few times throughout our relationship, girls kinda got into my path... those dumb bitches... But now I think of it, although they saved me from staying on with Llama, I'd still say, they're dumb bitches... I don't know what they see in Llama anyway...

We were young.. 15 or 16... Having fun without any serious commitment... The first time a dumb bitch was involved was 2 months into the relationship... I found out that he flirted with a girl from camp.... That kinda killed me a little bit... but then he said he'll stop seeing that girl and eventually, came back to me..

The 2nd time happened when I was in school, hanging out with my juniors.. and one of 'em came and told me that a girl named 'Porkchop' spreaded rumors saying my boyfriends' name is "Anson" (it's not real) and that Anson dumped his gf (so call ME) to be with her... and then, Anson broke up with her because Anson cannot forget his THEN gf, (ME again) after 2 weeks of dating her..

*wicked laugh*

How naive... Well, I did the most sensible thing any gf would do, I called Porkchop up and gave her a nice lecture about how not to spread rumors about guys who's girlfriends' school is so fucking nearby yours unless you're not afraid of being beaten up... Confused???... means shut the fuck up...

She was then never heard again.. and my then boyfriend?... he got cold treatment from me...

3rd time... now this... This is the last one...

I was a young and naive girl, I, was fucking demanding and high priced... My expectations were fucking high and I am a fucking stalker (over-possessive)... cuz since only I can flirt and party around, means he MUST NOT.... That's a practically normal thing for me then... but then again, he was fed up... and on that fateful night, where every couple in the world celebrated 'I Love You' all around the world, I got a 'Goodbye and Fuck Off'....

Yes, I got dumped... On Valentines.... It was excruciating.. The next day he told me he got together with 'Porkface'.. (a different pork now).. I thought of committing suicide... but chickened out thought that killing myself over a useless Llama was very unworthy....

Till today, I really thank him for giving me the experience of not being naive... I'm stronger... and smarter... and definitely better than any of Llama's girlfriends..... (mentality, mentally and physically).....

So ya.. One post, a contribution to Llama... thank you so much for leaving me that time... Or I would not have found my true happiness today... with my beloved Derek.....

Good night...

smilessss

The next 2 weeks are gonna be hectic for me... since my finals are here... and alot of assessments to be handed in withing the fucking month... and fuck Mr. T. Gay that I see every friday.. I js hate the shits out of him..... stupid dunce fool... really should teach his bad ass sarcastic mouth a fucking good lesson.... Well... assignments don't seem that much... only that I have to organize my time properly...

Exams are js around the corner... next week and the following week... after that... HOLIES!!!... I'm most probably gonna have home art tuition.. for kids of course.. =)

Try to earn my own money my way... and not working for any stupified bastards....

First gotta find customers... all the sampat-ed aunties surely has some under-occupied kids during the holies... so think I'm gonna victimize that category.... gotta do some finger paint, potato stamp... blablabla... the things we used to do to ourselves when we were 6 yrs old...

Well... I was waiting for derek to come pick me up but unfortunately, he dozed off... kept me waiting...

ME : You kept me waiting you know.. should have just called to say you're running late...

DRK : *retarded laugh*... sorry baby.. next time you should just tick on the calender how many times I've *fading*

ME : I'm gonna tick thru out the whole year and show you at the end of the year..

DRK : *more laughs* it's an achievement!... and it gets 'better' every year... *laugh somemore*

ME : trust me.. this is one time in your whole life you do not want ticks...

Do not get the whole conversation???... go fuck yourselves...

=)

Well.. I have not been blogging for quite some time now.. been kinda fucking busy and my fuckened PC was spoil so ya... i gotta do some fixin around... really suck up all my time... Well... anyway... things are just hopeful.... very hopeful... hope to get this and that hope to be this and that... and I'm fucking tired and sleepy.. miss my baby already... kinda had a rough night... well.. since my PC is now 50% fixed... I gotta upgrade it again.... it's damn frustrating... I just don't feel like doing anything to it anymore... and my fucking illustrator DOES NOT work at all.. fucking thing....

Well... guess I gotta go sleep now... so much for updates... good night.... morning to the morning people... goodnight sweetheart... love only you... muahss~

*I'm sorry*

*sad sad*