mixed emotional post.. best don't read it...

Well... the saddest moments are now ridden... gone for good... thank gawd....

I'm once again, a happy tingling girl ever... knowing that I have my old self back in shape... and my ever-loving-derek self... *smilesss*

*wulff yooo babyyy!!!*

[wide smile]....

Anyway... I have loads of shit to do.. and it's all due tomorrow.... that's.... arhhh... well... what can I expect... the days flips faster than a nuclear shuttle being bombed.... daymn.....

ahhhh... well.... Today seems to be the last day of my holies... classes gonna start and everything will be back to normal... ever had a hectic life?.... *no thanks, I already have one...*

I just wish there are more hours in a day.. or more days in a week....well.. we all can't be too greedy, can we?.... *carol thinks*

I wanna lie down and sleep....*thinks somemore*..... next to derek ....*carol fantasizes*..... with my favourite pillow .....*ahhhh~*.... he's my only sleeping dose.... the most effective one by far..... well... I still gotta go to bed anyway... with or without him..... *carol sighsss*.... and he's already asleep now...

Well... I have thoughts every now and then... about certain "fiends"..
In my preference, won't refer them as "friends" cuz carol thinks they're "fiends".....

They can go the long way just to patronize me... and this, of course, mounts up to nothing.... those conceited pigs.... and they would just walk away from their friends because they think their friends does not stand up to their standards... and leaving 'that' friend lost and confused...

My sympathetical thoughts, are, of course, not of the "fiends"... but of the lost and confused friend.... What more can I say about the "lost" and "confused" friend???.... nothing more than it already has....

Well, I think the fiend is just too pathetic... bitching about other people is, just like I've once said, CHILDISH!... only that she... I mean, HE can't accept the fact that he is, IN FACT, infantile... geez....

Some people just don't understand facts.... not too intellectual I guess... well, I guess the lost and confused friend is like soooo waaaayy better off without people like him... they're just time consumers... not a good thing tho... you heard me... I DON'T WANT you in my life and his!!... you are nothing but scumbag from the beginning... know why I hate you???... I'll tell you why... cause you will ruin everything one day... despite the way your attitude is... read me carefully.... you are a fucken despicable arrogant thick faced fucktard!!!!..... you have a real problem with yourself... fuck I pity anyone who loves you... so yah.... whatever... fuck you.. fuck face...

ANYONE WHO REPLIES TO THIS POST... WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU??.... GEEZZZ

.........

The day seem so quiet... the night seem so lonely... and here I am, without you by my side tonight... It's just not easy... even when you are just gone for only a few days... I am still sickened with desperation...

I realise that theres nothing left to feel but the longing to touch you... and be touched by you... I am wearing your jacket right now baby.. makes me feel so close to you just for the night... I don't know how am I gonna get thru the next few days...

Now I know how it feels when you are gone... I wonder how bad it would be when you really are gone one day... it'll be the worse day in my whole entire life.... I would be left with nothing... and I mean... nothing.. not even the love of God can pull me through anymore... cuz all I would ever wanna touch, hear, and feel is you....

Baby... there's alot of things that I wanna tell you... only that I just don't know where to start....

I really wish that you're hugging me right now baby... baby misses her darling so much.....

sickeningly love sick

This morning, I got a call from you... and you told me that you have to go.... and that you don't have a choice.... I was devastated... I don't know what to say or do.... everything that I had in mind, every plan, is now gone... How long will you be gone baby??.... I'm already missing you badly.... so how long will you be gone???....

When you told me about it this morning, I remember the last problem we had... which was yesterday... I was being an ass.... hurting you and disappointing you so much.... and yet you still love me as much as before... but still, I was being a fucking ass....

I realise that I can't hug you now or even kiss you goodbye... and you're already gone...

Baby, come back to me soon.... Please baby... I'm so lonely without you... I can't do my work I can't sleep I can't eat..... I am so moodless and desperate for your touch....
I keep telling myself that you'll only be gone for a few days... but knowing that not having you around kills me deeply... even now, I'm missing you so much, I can't even express myself properly... I cried after hanging up this morning... It was such a sudden thing to me..

I am still stunned because of it... I can't believe you're actually gone... sighhh....

I just wish the holidays aren't so long and that you don't have to go back Ipoh.... come back soon baby.... I wanna hug you so much now....

inner thoughts...

If I have my last sentences, I'd say it to my one and only forever love, derek...
Baby....if you have been reading my blog, you will know my every feeling....

Baby, we used to be super carefree... without a care about anything or anyone in the world...
Memories of happy moments kept mounting up till it can't mount anymore... but now, we're getting slack about it...

I love you... I know that you know that... And I really do... I AM proud of you in a way..... I still am actually... I told you I'm not because I'd really hope you'd make an effort to impress me or make me proud..... but you said I should, no matter what... but I'd be happier knowing that I'm proud of my boyfriend because he's my greatest inspiration of all....

At least I know I have not wasted all the trust I've put in you.... Knowing that I have not loved the wrong person... I may sound insensible, not logic, or stupid to you... But I still have MY ways to understand you better...

Dear, I'll never leave your side... rest assured...

I'd still love to see you and hold your hands everyday.... I'm always looking forward to seeing you every single day... and I still am excited about it.... about you...

But I do cry silently because of you.... of what I can't express, tears would shed.... I know that you wouldn't know about all this... because you will never come here to read my blog... you have already considered it non-existent.... unless someone come telling you "hey!... your gf wrote something bout u in her blog!check it out!"....

Well, I hope and wish and pray.... that we will be forever...

I love you derek.... Things might seem abit bumpy now.... but we will overcome it like you said yesterday... =)....

Hopefully...... sigh*

kani lau bu virus!!!

Life is so unexpected... Especially when you start wishing and hoping... in the end, none of them are heard anyway.... sometimes, I wonder why I wish and hope and pray... There are, of course a few things which I pray for at this moment...

- To get my assignments done as soon as possible...
- To get well super fast before Thursday...
- To get a hug from my baby...
- To get filthy rich super fast...

Anyway, the last one is always on the list... I'm kinda having aches here and there around my body.. the veins are working up a few shots here and there... from my arm to my head to my legs to my bones... argh!.... *pain*....

My antibody suck!!! I wan my baby!!!!!..... *sniff*

daymn

Just a note for the 'fucketh soul'..enjoy ~

Seriously, sometimes the things you say, they really make me laugh.. they just crack me up so much...
What makes you think you're so great and almighty??... with your lame jokes?... well, fuck you.. you're nothing but a slug who has no respect for anyone... especially yourself.. I pity everyone who knows you... in particularly, your girlfriend.. she deserves someone so much better...

Has anyone told you you're damn fucking thick face???... Do you think that everyone revolves around you??..I think you do think that way, and it's such a pity that you can actually do.... I mean... exactly who the fuck do you think are huh?? A hero?... God?....

Thick face....

You just never cease to amaze me most of the time.. the rumors you can spread about me.. I may be a bitch, but at least I'm a nice bitch... I'm not a hypocrite like you... I have more self respect... and I'm not as nonintellectual as you are... Do you know how in the fucking world I knew it was you all along???... that's cause you leave footprints and handprints everywhere you dumb fucketh motherfucker..

And anyway, what goes around comes around right?? (sound familiar?)... I just knew you can't bear to see your loved one cry... so I push your buttons.. obviously that aroused your anger... and your only solution is to double the rumors... how naive... well I have a better idea... Go for an anger management course you fuckhead...

Oh and what?... you're such an embarassment to the society... you can actually put the blame on someone else.... that's just so childish and immature like I've said...

Everytime I pass by you, I feel better with myself.. the confident and boost you give me... Especially since I knew someone as low life as you exists in this world.... I don't have the need to feel inferior at all...

Well, decipher this any way you want to... Who the fuck cares about what you think... only shitheads and fuckheads like yourself...

NOTE: BEFORE ANYONE RESPOND TO THIS POST, ASK YOURSELF ONE THING..

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU????"

be normal for a bit

Well, another day is over, and a new one is folding in... =)... not that amusing though...

It's a holiday anyway... Get to sleep into the late afternoon... then do my work a little here and there.. Hopefully I get to do abit of shopping tomorrow... or maybe buy tickets for thursday night's movie.. I just have to get something tomorrow...

Well, I pity my friend *Carmen... She has been arguing so much with her boyfriend *Justin so much.. and I think that they won't make it through... man, I hope nothing bad will happen to their relationship.. I hope they'll get to pull through this rough stage... But even so, due to my opinion, I think both partys are acting a little bit unreasonable to each other... not a very mature decision... But then again, can't blame anyone of them... they should learn how to compromise and trust... compromise more actually.... without that, nothing will work and eventually, everything will disappear in front of you... But of course, just try to make sure that the boyfriend and his girlfriend does not have any funny intentions outside of the relationship... I pity both sides.. The girlfriend, I pity her cuz her boyfriend is kinda fed up with eveyrthing that they're going thru now.. and the boyfriend, I pity him cuz it's about time his girlfriend start to learn to compromise the right way... Not that I don't want to tell her these things... I just don't want her to think that I'm an offending bitch feel shitty about the fact.... I mean, Carmen, my dear, If you're reading this, understand that I am here for you... =)

Anyway, If they ever break up, I feel sorry for both of them... cause I think everyone should appreciate the people they love.. especially those who are the closest to them... despite of friends or boyfriends...

I think I'm kinda proud of myself and derek... =).. really happy for the 2 of us... I just want to give him more... But there's nothing more that I could think of... only unconditional love... and of course, sometimes I'd just like to give him a piece of my mind... let him know what I want for my birthday....
*wicked laugh*

Well, that's all I have to say about Carmen and Justin... a happy couple... who turned into unhappy couple... My advices are...

- Tolerate each other more
- Compromise with one another more
- Tahu bertolak ansur????
- Care about each others' feelings more
- Be proud of each other more
- Love each other more
- Means understand each other more

See all the 'more' 'more' 'more'????

Means you guys need to improve yourselves... Not asking you to give in... But asking you, to give...

P/S : names have been changed.. and I love you my baby derek... am always proud of you.. =)

weeeeee~ no more... at least not so soon...

I don't usually post my most horrible of feelings.. so I'll just keep it that way... but geez am I feeling ever so sickeningly blue... not the blue sku blue... well... maybe in this term grey would be more appropriate... with the haze and all....

Anyway... it's not until a few weeks back that I felt abit.. off... u might say...

I feel that whatever I do is meaningless... all that I've done with full hearted effort.. are all 'liver' (fai in cantonese)...

I felt frustrated, disturbed, annoyed and fed up... I just feel like leaving it all one side and just concentrate on how to strangle myself... how the hell do I end up being the miserable one?....

Well, I think things are gonna change around here... things are definitely gonna change from now on... change for the better of cuz... oh yea.. and I'm fucked for I have too many fucking assignments to get done b4 Wednesday... so curse the shortness of one week...

If i were to be a designer...

If I were to be a designer later on in life... hmmm.. an interesting topic...

What would I be brainstorming inside my oh-so-brainstorming-able brain behind my oh-so-creative desk???...

Probably a mind map of how to get more money... ?... fuck that...

I'd most probably create some gadgets good only for me.. ONLY for me in a sense of I get most of what the profit will be..... and yes, It'll make a whole damn alot of money as only I have the immediate access to the ingredient of that particular gadget... Of course I won't be the one who make whatever that thing is come to live BUT, I'd make a huge fucking profit... but then again, I'd be a sinister instead of a designer...

Designers are suppose to look pro... or rather say, look like pros... pro pros??... what ever the fuck is... designers are meant to look unique... or in other words, weird.... Anyway, they're suppose to design shits like these
For people like him to wear....
I wonder where they get the inspiration from....
But there's a good side to becoming a great fucken designer...
I'd consider myself lucky if I were a male designer... so lucky them male designers... doesn't matter the age though... *haha*

Back to my question... If I were to be a fucking designer... I wanna be the best profiting designer.. of course it'll 1-5% dedication and 99.99% lady luck... There are soooo many designers in this fucketh world... It's kinda hard for me to get to stardom... at least not so soon... maybe, in 4 - 5 years time... then I'll be on top of the designers' chart... *wicked laugh*

Anyway, it's not all about fashion though... cuz I'm not into that field... More to visual architecturing... Soooo... back to my question again... If I were to be a designer.... I'll make sure that I will be one...

hehehehehe

My current lifestyle... I'm bored of it... bored of it all basically... college??... fuck college.... they fuck up my sleeping hours... assignments are hurting my brain... yes I'm whining and complaining... so what the fuck???... my bank??... infinity 0..... my love life... HAH!!!.... will forever be as loving as it always had... smilessss... =)

Anyway.. I'm damn sleepy right now.... think I'm gonna turn in soon...

the devil wears clothes

It's been numerous times since I've tried to blog today... I just couldn't get a chance to do it... Well, I went to college to start my new semester today... But ended up going out cuz the first day of a new sem is always a no-class day..... sheesh... I completely forgot about this stupid regulation... but it's a good thing too tho... got my schedule... and man, it's better than I have expected... I thought it was gonna be hectic and dull... But despite of my expectations.. It's not bad at all... reasonable enough to split dull time and fun time... *wicked laugh*

Anyway... Derek, me and nava went for a movie today... we watched The Devil Wears Prada.. and man do I love the show!!!.... I do!!!

Especailly Meryl Streep... geez I love her too!!!... she's damn chun!!!! She's the best!!!! she's the kinda woman that I absolutely adore and idolize!!!.... eeeeeek!!!!

kk... get a grip of yourself bitch!!!!... sheesh*