Happy Anniversary to me and derek

HAPPY FIRST YEAR ANNIVERSARY DEREK LIM!!!...
LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!!!... MMMMUAHXX~~

dé‧jà vu

Tonight is the night... It will be the happiest day of my entire life... And I have never ever felt so much happier!.... This is like dé‧jà vu all over again... the same feeling in my stomach is burning the same way exactly one year ago... I am really really excited about this... it's been a looong loooong time since I've taste this kind of happiness... - celebrating one year anniversary with the one you really love...

Honestly saying, it is not an easy thing to achieve... In fact, derek and I think it is a challenge to the to of us, this way, we will learn to appreciate each other more, and we also think of it as a succesful achievement when we, well, succeed to reach a whole year... not to mention a whole year around every year... *winks*..

all's fair in war.... and love

Sometimes I find it hard to comprehend certain issues that crosses my life recently... It's not exactly really hard... Let's just say, it's not easy at all... Tonight was hard to control a certain level of my inner feelings... I've been wondering for so long, many of us are practically playing the same game... What makes us different is how far every one of us went... Tonight I learn that life... is not as I expected... What others had gone thru, I might have gone thru as well... but not in the same way... Anything in this fucked up world, could happen to anyone of us... Whether are we lucky.... or not... Exactly how many of us could survive war-like moments???.... The other night, someone asked me.... "Do you actually think you can survive war-like moments??... I don't think so..."

...... Really.... I don't think I can... where as that 'someone' has gone thru it... And I have never doubted every single word that came out of him or what he felt that very moment... Living life without anyone.... Anyone at all to support and be there... Basically he was all alone fighting for his part to survive in this cruel fucked up society... Where people actually fuck you without mercy... Screw you intentionally... minding your business all the time... chancing every open opportunity that you may have accidentally slip pass... People being the vultures of your life... One single tear shed of lifes' bitterness flow down of your cheeks is enough to tell a sad, desperate story...

No.. I don't think I can survive in a world like that... The person who told me this... I'm sure he has had his bitter felts and thoughts... where he crave for a simple, contented, happy, loving life...

Right now at this very moment... I support him whole-heartedly... I will always be here and there, just for him.... In return, he told me... "What I've gone thru, I don't want you to survive it... I want you to NOT live in it at all.. So I'm giving you all I have, just to make sure of that.."

[ wide smile ]...=)

In my return, I'll do what I have to, to get what has to be done with.... I love you, my dear derek....
In conjunction of 31st August 2006, our anniversary date, Happy First Year Anniversary sweetheart... I will always love you...

new layout

Another new layout... similar one with Jac... =)... only mine is pink in colour...
Anyway, I did not know I am having 2 exams in 6 hours time... sighhhh
Anyway, was chatting with a friend of mine.. looong chat with him... very interesting too.. talking bout the old times... sigghhhhh...
Anyway, the day is coming... and I can't wait... it's only less than a week away... and I'm really ecited about it.. although this is not my first time but I'm really really worked up on it.... I wonder what surprise he has instored for me.... Or better yet, what special sweet words will he tell me.... hehehehe

untitled

Derek and I went to One U to get tickets for Snakes On A Plane... we only buy the twin seats... but unfortunately it was soldout... So, instead, we bought tickets for Sunday night.. with twin seats... =)

Anyway, we went for a drink in Banana Leaf... and then a drive to KL and back... (it didn't happen anyway).... So, we ended up buying DVDs to watch at home... Derek cooked for me... =).... It wasn't much (sausages, eggs, nuggets and a cup of milo - his style) but at least he set up everything and served me... ahhhh I felt like a princess....... =)..... Anyway, so sweet of you dear... I love you for that... *smooch*

Anyway, we bought 2 movies... the new unseen Flight 93 (it's not out yet) and RV.... we watched RV first... the show makes sense... due to today's reality.... about a father trying to be a father.... supporting the family within all his might... and all the emo blahsss.... It was kinda sad...

stressfuck maximum!

So much stress, so little time... there are just too many fucking things to be thought of, to be planned, to be done with... but all I have is, too...fucking...little....time....sheesh.... and no one understands the phase I am going through these few days... I was being nauseatic towards this.... I even had to go to see the fucking quack of a doc.. ish*

All everyone ever does is nag and scold, nag and bitch, nag and prejudice, nag and ahhhh-fuck-off-lah!

If you are here to fucking nag and blablablabla me, just fuck the hell off.... I don't wanna know of your fucking existence... Don't fucking waste my time.... just fucking slit your own throat and fucking bleed to death.... or I'd be glad to help....

and no one better fuck with me in the morning... Don't fucking spoil the beginning of my day!

Black Jack Grief

Why does boyfriends always bully their own girlfriends??... the one and only person they love the most... (besides his mom) all because the girlfriend lost to her boyfriend in Black Jack...

Ridiculous!!

random post

Have not been updating my blog for some time now... I'm just too lazy busy for the mean time... Seems like alot of people just kinda stop the blogging business for a while... but that's their problem.. I'll just try to update whenever I feel like can.... *smile*

First of all I'm broke having personal financial probs.... but overcame it by winning 2 days ago punya lottery... wahahahahhaa....
Am I lucky??... damn....

yea.. I wish....

Wish that the days in this month could be over quickly... and reach Merdeka soon enough to enjoy the day... ahhh~.. that special day... the day of so much cherishable and 'un-find-able' memories.... Tunku Abdul Rahman??? our Father??... Bapa Kemerdekaan??... yah that too... but that's not the memories I was talking about..... Anyway, someday soon, I will post a story worth my time.... really worth every drop of blood in me, worth my soul... *drama*drama*

Well, that's about it for now.. I'm stressing about Monday... I hate this weeks' Monday morning but I love the afternoon...

freak frenchy

Attention : français jour aujourd'hui...

Jouant chez français un bit... Un tres bêtise... ne pas sûr est-ce qu' hein j' composition être précis d'après en quoi le coïter j' trying to say...

ya... If whatever I wrote up there really makes sense... Then congratualtions... you have developed the new language of the world... God know what the fuck I just wrote.. Even I don't remember now... shit...

I think it is, 'A little bit of french here.. something something... not sure whether what I'm writing is according to what the fuck I'm trying to say...'...

bored nyerrrrr....

the first thing[ [s] I'll do

I am fucking sleepy... but then again... tonight seem to be the night to do every single motherfucking piece of shit... even if it means jeapordizing sacrificing my beauty sleep... Well, here I am, in front of the PC, waiting for Mr Lim to come upstairs and accompany me... hopefully we'll be going someplace fun tonight since I'm staying over... =)....
I'm really really really fucking super extremely massively too sleepy... I haven't slept for the past 30 hours... *gosh*... I'm just mad... Once again, I feel like somewhat floating and flying... hehehehehe... my limbs and joints are practically stoning... couldn't move much... think gonna take a fucking short nap while waiting for Mr Lim.... ZzzZzzZZZzzzZZZzzzzzZzzz

=(

So many things that I would love to express... but I'd rather keep silent... I feel so empty and lost... everything happened so fast... in one night, things seemed so different... I don't feel the same for whatever that used to be oh-so-great.... I am just sad, lonely, upset, heart broken and puffy eyed... You make me hate you the way I love you... why?

inner thoughts II

Sometimes I feel that I am nothing but plastic.. Not plastic as in seen through but plastic as in, maybe cruel.. no feelings at all.. or just putting on a fake smile just to tell people that I am OK! written on my forehead when actually I'M NOT OKAY!!!!! or FUCK OFF!!!!!!

No hard feelings but sometimes people just irritate and annoy me so damn much I just feel like telling them to fuck off.... but instead, I'd rather fuck off myself than talking to people that just don't matter to me at all... call me rude, call me disrespectful, call me a bitch... In fact, I just don't care at all... cuz if I was to tell someone to fuck off, meaning that person doesn't mean anything to me.. and they don't worth a dog's fuck... but on the other hand, if I like to hang around, automatically, I wouldn't be declared a bitch....

So yea... facing people that I just don't like, is super difficult.... not chokable, pukable, intolerable... just hate the thought / fact that I am looking into their eyes and can't tell them, 'you are a bastard'... There is this saying in chinese 'tuk ngan tuk pei'.... means I see you, my eyes and nose hurts... In other words, I hate seeing you...

But then again, it wouldn't be right to tell them that would it... wouldn't wanna critic them so much... buat hal saja... not worth it... at least not worth my time...

Lakehouse

I went for my drawing class at 2pm today... and ran away from it during break.... cuz firstly, I had no more materials to draw on.. secondly, I don't wanna get my hands dirty and had to wash them a few triziliion times... and lastly... the class was fucking boring... Anyway... enough of class... during "break" a.k.a "escape" Yvonne, Pat and I went to the nearby mamak and played 'chor tai di'... it was pat's official first game.... she was as excited as a one yr old baby seeing his milk bottle... ya anyway... so cute!....

Anyway... met up with derek and chilled at home... later on at night we went for a movie... We watched the movie Lakehouse... It was casted by Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock... the show was very different from many other emo love stories you see.. It's not the kinda movies where a guy and a girl get together, then somehow the guy cheats or the girl cheats and they broke up, then they realize they can't live breathe survive without one another and finally they reconcile... non of that shitty emoshits...

It was about something or someone steps into your life, and you want to have them so damn much, but you just couldn't have it at that very moment... Things eventually got different and you just try to adjust it the way you don't want to.. In the end you live your life relunctantly knowing that your life is half empty and all lies.. And you just wait and wait (for what?) and wait... (maybe years).... Adjust your life constantly just to change your future life path abit.... and in the end, it might just pay off handsomely... (a.k.a you might just get what you've always wanted).... In other words, our future lies in our hands... and patience is virtue...

After the movie, it got me and derek to thinking and reflect our lives according to the movie.. The philosophies and metaphors of it... Well, just about before the movie, derek and I had a bit of disagreement... but we kiss and make up after that... and decided to watch a movie.. At first, our choice of movie was 'Break Up'... but God knows why we bought 'Lakehouse'.. we weren't even thinking twice that time.. But now we know why... and we got our answer to our disagreement from that show... =).... I think the way the show portrays it's message, is very very creative and different...
Anyway, notice the lakehouse... It's a good place to stay... *winks*... hahaha

grumble grumble

I don't know what to feel anymore now... I feel so... empty and hollow... It's like anyone can see through everything.. I don't feel protected and secure anymore... I feel so fucked up and wasted.... So unimportant... I just have that conscience saying and telling me to fuck off to a place where there is not a single soul around to torment me in the usual ways... Gawd I feel sick and pissed... (NOTE :I'm not emo)... I am easily irritated and annoyed... And I don't like anything or anyone who go all the way against me.. (halfway thru against me is alrighty).... I am so fucking pissed anyone could just dowse me with ice cold water...

grrrr... grunt... grumble grumble.....

*I think it's all due to hungryness....*

Where's the food??

freakin weird freak me

Another restless day... sigghh... basically was learning photoshop.. and I'm loving it alot... Suddenly I feel the passion for photoshopping.. I feel in control of every single fucking adjustments and changes... i feel geewwwddd~

Anyway, derek asked me whether I wanna do some sports at 3.30pm today or not...... I had badminton in mind buuuut... that wasn't what my dear derek had in mind... eventually I said yes... only after that, he told me his sport was fishing... FISHING AT 3.30PM?!!!???.... it's sooo FUCKING HOT!!!!!!... but whatever.... as long as he teaches me how to fish... then ok laaaa i think...

Anyway, i'm in lack of sleep... I'm having bad insomnia.... Last night went home around 2.00am... wash up, brush up blablablas... went straight to bed cuz photoshop is in the morning... anyway... laid on the bed at about 2.++ am... tossed and turned till 5.30am... what the fuck is wrong with me???????.... I feel guilty and bad for not sleeping early.. for once I turned in early but couldn't fall asleep.... what exactly is the fuck wrong with me???.... and now I'm feeling as if my mind is partly floating, my body stoning, my sight blur, my head drowzy....

I feel uneasy and un comfortable... I feel shitty... I just wanna fall asleep but due to activities that are tempting me not to sleep, I just hate them...

I am a massive mess right now.. (oh, not my hair or face..they still look good)... It's my emotions... I currently feel like distorting something...... or someone... (where's derek?).....

Just joking sweetie... just joking... *Although I really feel like doing it cuz you tricked me into going fishing with you in the fucking hot sun...

Anyway, that's it for now.. just waiting for mr. derek lim... so we he can go fishing...

boring

Today woke up with a pain in the neck... literally... that's cuz derek and I went to watch the new movie Click... we took the couple seat and I was lying on him towards my right... sooo, that's how I sorta, spasticated my neck a little bit... Went to Steven's after the movie and saw Amanda and Damien with friends... talk cock abit here and there and good night sayonara...well, anyway, went for swimming today... and it was soooo fucking refreshing... and my neck no longer hurts... =) *winks*

Anyway, godfucked tired right now... but had to finish my photoshop exercise... sighhhh.... and my eyes are tearing already.... leave me alone...

cabbie crap

I am beginning to hate certain types of people nowadays.. In fact, through out my everyday life, they sorta make me hate, loathe, despise them more and more... Especially those ill mannered chauvinist pigs... they are the scum bags of the century.. Take cab drivers for example... Now why do you think cab existed??... for cab drivers to drive in?... ya, that is one of them reasons... Anyway, one walks on the streets, with the heat wave so high, burning every calories in your body, hunger for thirst, lips cracked and dried up, legs wobbly and ankle near to a broken state, and all these while you just wanted to get home, soak in a nice tub of hot water, and rest on your favourite couch, hugging your favourite pillow... (sounds familiar?).. well, yea, imagine all that desperation and then out pops a cab going your way.. and you hailed to it and they bring you to your satisfaction, of course, you have to pay them for the service.. That's what a cab and his driver is for; to bring you to your destination...

Oh well, it was different for me today... Every other normal day, I take the cab to my college, home, derek's place and I had encountered many rude + ill mannered + slutty + bastard cab drivers... T

CAB DRIVER A
There was once where I was directing the motherfucker to derek's place. So I went like how any other passenger would do...
ME :Left here, rigth there, now straight..

That mother fucking cibai shot me saying,

Cab Driver A :You don't order me around!! say Please!...

ME : *what-the-fuck-look* *sneer* *grumble* *cruse*...errr right here, left there, now straight...

Fucking cibai.. who the fuck does he think he is???... I wasn't even being impolite.. I was directing for god's sake.. Do you even know where to drop me if I hadn't tell you the directions???... bastard!

Rated idiotism : ****

CAB DRIVER B
The other day, I was waiting for the bus to college, but as the highschool was almost let out, I've decided to take the cab, and so I hailed one... There was another passenger sitting shotgun... I assumed it was the drivers' friend.. (it should be).. the driver was conversing to his friend in Tamil.. and he sounded pissed and furious... And so, despite his anger, everybody on the road had to give way to him, even our dear ol traffic light, which was red, gave way to him... he just zoomed past our dear ol traffic light without waving hello or goodbye... soon enough, later, his cellphone rang, and he's on the phone while driving... faster than anyone F1 car on Sepang tracks... I wasn't afraid he would be stopped by the cops... I was afraid the stupid motherfucker would total his car with me in it... bastard!

Rated idiotism : *****

CAB DRIVER C
My class ended early today, and so coincidentally the time had to clash with the time highschool kids were let out.. (great!)...*shruds*.... So I took a cab instead of a bus.. and told the cab driver where I wanted to go... 'home'.... anyway, as we were nearing my house, the road were jammed... the traffic was fucking bad... that because there were 4 schools on the way to my house.. what the fuck does one expect???... Anyway, as we were closing to the traffic... fucking cab driver shot me by saying...

CAB DRIVER : why did you wanna turn here???... see damn jam... troublesome!!!!....

ME : eh, what the fuck wei... you gonna drive me there when I came in then drive me there... Or you can use the other way to link out... It's nearer....

Fucking cibai...!... In the end, he used the other way... bastard!

Rated idiotism : ***

ghostly wind

As I was blogging my previous post, my younger brother (YB) came to me with only whispers saying,

YB : Jie (sister in Cantonese) you know that now is the Hungry Ghost Festival right?... There are weird noises around..

ME : mmm.. ok... ya.. ok....

(All I heard was 'blablablabla cackle blablablaaaa')

5 minutes later my YB returns and said,

YB : (terrified + horrified) JIE!!!... come here..

ME : *grumble grumble*curse curse*

I stood up and went to see what was his commotion all about.. He pointed at a spot for me to stand.. So I stood... and he told me to listen.. and so I listened...

2 seconds... 3 seconds... *nothing*... 5 seconds...

*TUK! TUK! TUK!*

MOTHERFUCKING CIBAI!!.. what the fuck was that???...

*TUK! TUK! TUK!*....

I was shuddering and I went into my room straight.. I told my YB to tell mum and shut the fuck up.. (meaning = don't fucking disturb me)
Anyway, I was the one who went to report it to my mum.. and when she went to 'investigate', there was no sound... ok.. fine, we were being stupid and dumb.. My mum went back to her homey fantasy dream, my YB and I went to the kitchen.. and there it was again.. *TUK! TUK! TUK!*... not only that, we heard footsteps on the roof... CIBAI!!... we were so fucking sohai, scaring ourselves on purpose and went to bed... That's because the weather was so fucking nice.. It was so windy outside and it's raining.. Good to sleep in tho... ta~

no title

Honestly, I am kinda sick with my class schedule.. It's 9.00 am every fucking morning... and I am NOT a morning person... I tend to get quite cranky and irritable... FUCK!... anyway, will be watching CLICK with derek later on at midnite.. lalala~
The class was sketching faces today... in detail... I'm practically sick of it tho... I cabut from the class and Derek came to fetch me... Me, derek and Bryan went to eat KFC near my house and sent Bryan home.. played with Bryans' baby rottweilers...... they're sooo damn cute.... the smaller puppy bullied the bigger one... *aww *Snicker*
Well, chilled out at home the whole evening, and went out yum char with Sherene and Amnan... (he dropped by a little later) and now I'm here, blogging... damn 'chat' sien...

inner thoughts

Love is a many splendid thing... And I have it...

lazy day

Had a really good night sleep today... My darling derek was sleeping over... It's been awhile since he slept over... And I felt so secured as he hugged me and we fell asleep in just a matter of minutes... anyway, class lasted only for 2 hours today... The arrangements for presentation is already on session... assignments given out and paranoia + pressure + stress is along the way... sheesh!

I'm feeling a little more than pushy today... just feel like pissing someone off... but somehow I think someone has already pissed me off this afternoon!... Anyway, that's not the problem... Someone has to apologize first.... *bleh*

Anyway, today is gonna be a lazy day... I'm sure... Last night watched Dragon Tiger Gate.. It was ok... some martial arts moves were chun... some were fake... the flying flying part of course, were all fake...